My kingdom for a sharpener

Spent the morning in a wild goose chase, or at least a wild axe-sharpening chase.

I had a blunt axe. And a load of logs. And no kindling.

Thought I... I will simply sharpen my axe, and chop the logs into little-itty bits.

So, I went to the Garden Store, who said "No! We don't have anything to sharpen an axe, but we think Homebase might do."

I went to Homebase. "No!" said they. "We don't have anything to sharpen an axe, but the Builder's Suppliers across the way might."

After calling G, (apparently now a polymath on all things practical or otherwise, and being instructed to bring said axe down to sharpen on his friend's grindstone), I went to the Builder's Suppliers (across the way).

"No...!" they said in a now familiar refrain. Then they sent me to the The Outdoor Shop down the road.

"No!" Said also The Outdoor Shop (down the road). "We don't have anything to sharpen an axe. Try the Hardware Shop about 3 doors down."

I tried the Hardware Shop (about 3 doors down) to be told again, "No... but there's a Timber Merchant's up the road, they have a shop and if they don't have anything, they'll know what to do."

At the Timber Merchant's (up the road), I waited amongst overalled, elderly chaps who viewed me with some suspicion.

"All I want is something to sharpen my axe please, it's just a little hatchet really," I said as I blinked and smiled. The man took me to some chisel sharpeners in the corner. "Those won't do for you, I'm afraid," he said. "You'll be wanting a grindstone."